Post TWO: Same Sex Marriage - Why won't we let gay people enter into a legal contract?

There was an interesting exchange on Facebook today about gay marriage. One of my FB friends posted a link from a speech the Governor of Washington gave about the issue http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJu6MA_wF7o&sns=fb

I was glad to read people’s thoughtful comments about the issue. I’ve copied the ones I like best below:

"My observation has been that for non-gay people, particularly for non-gay males, sexual differences are inherently perceived as inferior or even downright evil. Although I was a formal student of ethics, it took a long time before I really understood the difference between "not right for me" and "not right"--the difference between personal preference and the ethical thing to do. The understanding that having gay loved ones was no threat to my own feelings and preferences, is something that came only gradually."

About the speech, another friend said:

"I think this demonstrates what can happen when people work to change the hearts and minds of otherwise reasonable people who may struggle with this issue."

I remember years ago (circa 2003) when we got into one of those meaningful discussions after work about issues and politics (I miss those days). The subject was gay marriage and the idea of passing a constitutional amendment that banned same sex marriage.

I just couldn’t understand the position of the people who were so adamantly against allowing gay people to enter into the legal contract of marriage. One colleague, who described herself as devoutly Christian, became agitated and I kept asking her to explain her position.

She said something like, “It would make a mockery of my marriage.” I kept asking her how two gay people getting a marriage license from the state would make her marriage less important or less valid. I never got an answer.

To me, there are two parts to the institution of marriage: the legal part and the religious part. If a church doesn’t want to perform a marriage ceremony for gay people or doesn’t want to “recognize” that marriage, that’s one thing. But we have separation of church and state in this country (it’s a pretty big deal!) and not allowing gay people to enter into the legal contract of marriage has never made sense to me. It wasn’t too long ago when states had laws making it illegal for blacks and whites to marry each other.

Interestingly, my 11-year-old daughter, asked me this same question when we were watching the news. I think they were covering the issue when gay people were flocking to NY or Massachusetts to get married. She asked, “Why don’t people want gay people to be able to get married?” Instead of answering, I asked her why she thought they didn’t want gay people to be able to get married and she said, “Maybe they think it’s wrong to be gay or something, but they aren’t hurting anyone. They can’t help it they’re gay just like you can’t help it that you’re not gay.”

Whenever the subject comes up in conversation, I do my part to give my legal versus religious explanation and put the issue in context of how we used to have laws banning interracial marriage. It’s been met with less agitation and annoyance over the last year compared to that first conversation I had nearly 10 years ago—which leads me to believe we are evolving—or moving to the middle J as a society.

Until next time...